Infinity–Turned on It’s Side.

EIGHT. 8. Yes, that’s the symbol for infinity (∞) turned on it’s side.

Not quite infinity ago, but an 8 year old’s lifetime ago that we welcomed and said earthly good-byes to our Julianne and David. 8 years ago that their life became ∞ in Heaven.

Another infinity of nights (exaggerated for literary purposes here) on a magnesium sulfate drip in the hospital. Another infinity of nights with a man who loves me infinitely sleeping next to that hospital bed in a chair. That symbol loops around and gives brings us back around to the infinite love of our children – our hellos to their siblings. One in an infinity chance that we would have a second set of boy girl twins. One in an infinity chance that they would look so much like their older brother and sister. An infinite amount of love and respect these children show for two siblings they have never crossed paths with, at least not on this finite earth.

This year we celebrated a little differently. After stopping by my mother’s house, who shares her birthday with Julianne and David, we went to Madison to celebrate with Judson’s parents. I'm so glad we did.

Veronica and Thomas prepared their “notes” to be sent those infinite miles to Heaven, via balloons.

Thomas drew hearts…

Veronica drew angels: a boy and a girl (gril).

Daddy Gayle let the balloons go with us…

…while Mama, in all her strength, cheered us on.

Before we left, we thanked them for sharing in our celebration. (We made them sing ‘Happy Birthday,’ for goodness sake!) Daddy Gayle welled up a little and thanked US. I guess it should not surprise me. It is their infinitely flowing love that brings smiles to Veronica and Thomas’s face, that can make my husband laugh from his gut, that can make me forget I once was not a part of this family. Daddy Gayle thanked us for the opportunity to hold our babies. There are a finite number – a very small number of people who held my firstborn children. An even smaller number who held them while they were living. I’m so blessed that this man and woman who have experienced, seen, and loved many things in their 90 and 86 years would still cherish that experience.

When we left, we went to the cemetery on the way home. We had our second round of birthday cupcakes and balloon releases.

Veronica and Thomas are unabashed about correcting people who mention I have two children. They are proud to tell people about their brother(s) and sister(s). So of course, really knew how to party with cartwheels and dancing!

And so, just a few days later, Thomas was asked to write a personal statement for his reading class. He shared this:

(Funny thing is that he didn’t have title or the last sentence. He was a little distraught over needing another sentence. I said, “you may want a sentence about who “they” are. I don’t think the reading teacher knows you have a brother and sister in Heaven.” He looked at me like I was crazy, but heeded the advice anyhow.)

Just love the closeness of my family. Even if we all can’t physically touch. But, it’s nice when we can…

Veronica’s phrase sums up the infinite intimacy of it all: “I love you permanent.”

"This hole in my head won't quit bleeding"

We've been waiting for Thomas's others top tooth to fall out since November. This morning, however, surprise tooth fell out. There was very little blood, but Thomas wanted it to stop. "I better get it to stop before Danny gets here so he can pull out more teeth!"

Now we enjoy a snow day at the tail of our spring break and await a visit from Uncle Danny.

Special Juice

Veronica had some dental work today. She drank some special juice beforehand….

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

Well, inside our house it is, anyway. Today it was in the 60s! Tomorrow is supposed to hit 71.
At church this morning, Thomas went out of his way – leaving our pew to go to a different section of the church – to give the sign of peace to a lady in a wheelchair. After the service, he went to tell the cantor (who has sung with him twice at church now) that she did a good job. He even left on his own after the service to ask the priest a question.
Veronica was EXTRA snuggly at church this morning. She found her preschool teacher from last year after the service and went in an all-out sprint to hug her after the service. She followed along with the words to some of the songs with me today too!
Later in the afternoon, Pa came by for a visit while Uncle Danny had a meeting in town. We got the tree up!
Thomas collected several ornaments he made and those he felt were special to him. He put them all very close to each other in the same space on the tree.

Danny snuck in after a meeting he had in town to visit as well. Veronica was so excited about having visitors for dinner that she took the initiative to set the table. She found a decoration for the middle – and even put a special towel under it. She worked very hard make place cards for everyone as well!

Cells, Circulations, and the Circle

What a beautiful day in the mid 60’s… in DECEMBER!

We went to a program at the Central Library about the body. Thomas got to dress as a surgeon. (See the middle guy in the shorts!) After the program, they asked the kids to fill out an evaluation form. Veronica took hers very seriously. She filled in every blank on her own. The last question was, “What did you learn that was new?” I named several things, like how many feet of nerves were in a square inch of skin, bones are alive, etc. She insisted she already knew all of that. Finally, something I said was new to her today: “Bacteria stinks.” And that is what she wrote.

After the program, Thomas  and Daddy spent an hour searching through books. Veronica and I snuggled up in a cozy chair.

Then, we shared a plate of noodles and hiked around the Circle, taking in the Christmas lights and people. (Oh, and of course getting a treat at the chocolate shop!) It was a beautiful day, spent with the most beautiful people I know!

This Girl

This girl is incredibly sweet and talented. She has amazing grace which her ballet teacher has noted. (Not sure she’s actually MY child…) She sings sweet songs and makes up beautiful stories for her stuffed animals. She does well in gymnastics. However… she will not let anyone watch her. If she catches me watching her practices in the window, she will stop and shake her head with a stern look. It’s her code for me NOT to watch her.
She’s the girl who LOVED school from day one. She loved it so much we were certain she was thriving – until her teacher told us she was *finally* starting to talk. Apparently she soaked it all in, she’s quite the observer. She notices every detail. She’s happy to be the observer.

She’s started goofing off more in front of us. Often, shaking her “booty”. She makes up songs we cannot understand because she laughs so hard at herself while she’s trying to sing them. She will make up dances to go with these songs. BUT – she still will not let us watch her practice ballet or gymnastics.

Today, she decided she would sing at church. (Only if her friend Heidi sang). And, that she did. She sat proudly with her friends. She stood and sat with the choir. She opened her book to every song and sang along to the refrains she knew. She paid amazing attention. In fact, she leaned over to me during the homily and said, “Mommy, during this part I don’t understand what Father Bob is saying.” She didn’t cower anywhere, she joined right in. 
The whole music crew was fantastic. Tonight 2 guitarists, 4 adults, and 10 children participated. My WHOLE family was a part of this. These kids even gave their Daddy the courage to join in. At times, the kids sang with all their might. It was gorgeous, and this girl’s voice was part of it. All four of us were up there using our talents for God. It was a perfect evening. I’m very proud of this girl.

Snug as Two Bugs on a Rug

This spring we finally got rid of the toddler beds. The kids share such a tiny room we weren’t sure how to configure it with two beds. Thomas had long outgrown the crib mattress, however.

In hopes to keep them in the same room – and keep the larger room for the playroom – we got a loft. We put a second mattress under it on the floor in a trundle frame. The weeks leading up to the loft were full of fun anticipation. Thomas did NOT want to sleep on the top bunk. Veronica did. This did not stop Thomas from using things to his advantage. Whenever things were not quite going to his liking, he’d tell Veronica, “I won’t let you sleep on the top bunk…” She’d immediately relinquish power to him.

When the loft was installed, they picked out their own sheets. Thomas the Train and Transformers for Thomas, Dora and Butterflies for Veronica. Veronica slept well on the top for a couple weeks. Then, she got sick. She wanted to sleep on the bottom. Thomas wasn’t going up, so we padded the hardwood floor for her and she snuggled up. Once she recovered, she then started having attacks of fear at being on the top bunk. So, MONTHS have gone by with Veronica sleeping on the hardwood floor. Sometimes she’d have a quilt under her, but often she drifted off of it.

I wasn’t about to force one of them to sleep on the top. How do you choose? Who do you “punish” by making them scared all night? Nevertheless, my daughter sleeping on a cold, hard floor was wearing at my conscience as well. Today, I’d had enough! I moved around some carpets and furniture to make it work. In the process, Thomas had told Judson he wanted to sleep on the top bunk. The room needed a rug anyway, so I kept at it.

Tonight, Thomas climbed up proudly onto the top bunk. Veronica cozied up to the “arrangement” she’d made on the bottom bunk of books and stuffed animals. It seemed it was smooth sailing, until lights out… Veronica was devastated that she could not see Thomas. (The loft sits quite high). She tried laying on the floor, but she could still not see him. She asked him to come down near her, he didn’t want to. After listening to Veronica’s angst, I asked Thomas if he would sing to her so she could hear his voice. He happily offered 5 songs. When the songs were over, Veronica was back out sobbing that she couldn’t see him and she needed to know he was there. I told her to go back and ask Thomas if he would snuggle with her for just a little bit. I warned her it was his right to say no. Within five minutes we never heard another peep. We went in to see what the resolution: Two sweet, loving soul mates, BOTH on the floor.