National Prematurity Awareness Day

I committed myself to blog today through this site... http://www.bloggersunite.org/

It's such a great idea. However I've been thinking too much about preemies lately, so I'm too tired to blog about my history with prematurity. I live with the life and loss of prematurity every day, every minute.

Some people who don't know me well all too easily protect themselves when others ask me how many children I have. They answer for me, "Let's just say 2." Hmmm... I'm not comparing raising two children to raising four. But, let's compare having four children to raising four children...

• I'm sure it's physically exhausting to chase after four children every day. Every day I miss two children while at the same time be present for the two I have in the room with me every moment. Every day I wonder what I could have done differently so that I could raise four children. Every day I try to keep Julianne and David a living part of our family - despite those who choose to make them a distant memory. It's exhausting.
• Every day I work at becoming stronger - even three years later - because of the toll two premature pregnancies took on my body.
• Every night I can't go to sleep (and sometimes can't go back to sleep) until I physically make sure my earthly children are breathing.
• Someone with four children has to budget their time to get each child to their activities. I use my energy to try not to think about what activities my deceased children would be participating in now.
• Every day most mothers of four get to hug and kiss their four children. Every day, I give extra hugs to the ones I am lucky enough to hold and and I spend time sending love up to those I don't.
• Every day I am thankful for all four of my children. Every one. Every day.

Today I have another preemie to be thankful for. A close friend was beside us for the births, deaths, fear, grief and celebrations associated with all our children. She has suffered the lonely and heartbreaking road of infertility. Saturday, a mother selflessly put a preemie in her arms for adoption - one for her to call her own. Today is the first whole day she will have her new daughter at her home.

Birth and life are amazing... no matter how it occurs, no matter how early, no matter how short or how long. It is all precious.

Wordful Wednesday

V:

"I want to go where I was born." (When we mentioned visiting the nurses at the hospital then found out we couldn't due to H1N1)

"You need a maggot. This is my maggot." (Magnet)

Veronica does a lot of baby talk now - she likes to pretend she's a baby.

T:

"I've been working on the railroad, all the children come." (singing I've been Working on the Railroad.')

"You're so snugly. I'm snugly. You're comfy."

He often tells me how pretty sissy is. Sometimes he compares her things to his: "Sissy's is pretty. Mine's is cool."

"You've got a beard on your leg!" (After touching my unshaven legs.)

Both:

"I'm getting very busy!" (dizzy - when spinning around)

"It's not working!" or "It's working!" This is in reference to whether or not they can pee when they sit on the toilet. Veronica's got it just about down minus sleeping and holding BMs in. She doesn't even need us to be in the room with her - she even washes her hands independently. Thomas is making grand progress.

Like me to "act like a baby" (their own command). Then, they tell me to cry. If I won't they tell me, "Daddy's not home." I guess this is very upsetting because it makes me cry. Then, they tickle me to make me happy.