Infinity–Turned on It’s Side.

EIGHT. 8. Yes, that’s the symbol for infinity (∞) turned on it’s side.

Not quite infinity ago, but an 8 year old’s lifetime ago that we welcomed and said earthly good-byes to our Julianne and David. 8 years ago that their life became ∞ in Heaven.

Another infinity of nights (exaggerated for literary purposes here) on a magnesium sulfate drip in the hospital. Another infinity of nights with a man who loves me infinitely sleeping next to that hospital bed in a chair. That symbol loops around and gives brings us back around to the infinite love of our children – our hellos to their siblings. One in an infinity chance that we would have a second set of boy girl twins. One in an infinity chance that they would look so much like their older brother and sister. An infinite amount of love and respect these children show for two siblings they have never crossed paths with, at least not on this finite earth.

This year we celebrated a little differently. After stopping by my mother’s house, who shares her birthday with Julianne and David, we went to Madison to celebrate with Judson’s parents. I'm so glad we did.

Veronica and Thomas prepared their “notes” to be sent those infinite miles to Heaven, via balloons.

Thomas drew hearts…

Veronica drew angels: a boy and a girl (gril).

Daddy Gayle let the balloons go with us…

…while Mama, in all her strength, cheered us on.

Before we left, we thanked them for sharing in our celebration. (We made them sing ‘Happy Birthday,’ for goodness sake!) Daddy Gayle welled up a little and thanked US. I guess it should not surprise me. It is their infinitely flowing love that brings smiles to Veronica and Thomas’s face, that can make my husband laugh from his gut, that can make me forget I once was not a part of this family. Daddy Gayle thanked us for the opportunity to hold our babies. There are a finite number – a very small number of people who held my firstborn children. An even smaller number who held them while they were living. I’m so blessed that this man and woman who have experienced, seen, and loved many things in their 90 and 86 years would still cherish that experience.

When we left, we went to the cemetery on the way home. We had our second round of birthday cupcakes and balloon releases.

Veronica and Thomas are unabashed about correcting people who mention I have two children. They are proud to tell people about their brother(s) and sister(s). So of course, really knew how to party with cartwheels and dancing!

And so, just a few days later, Thomas was asked to write a personal statement for his reading class. He shared this:

(Funny thing is that he didn’t have title or the last sentence. He was a little distraught over needing another sentence. I said, “you may want a sentence about who “they” are. I don’t think the reading teacher knows you have a brother and sister in Heaven.” He looked at me like I was crazy, but heeded the advice anyhow.)

Just love the closeness of my family. Even if we all can’t physically touch. But, it’s nice when we can…

Veronica’s phrase sums up the infinite intimacy of it all: “I love you permanent.”